Here's a little (a lot ) bit about my story, and how God saved me!
I grew up as a pastor’s kid, and practically lived at church, but for me, christianity was more lifestyle and the "right" way to live. I knew of God and all the rules I needed to follow, like not lying, stealing, fighting my siblings. Not that I kept any of them very well, shocker. But I was a pretty happy kid who did whatever, whenever I wanted, and only sometimes, got in big trouble.
Around middle school my family was suddenly hit with a gigantic wave of problems and very unexpected events. In the midst of this chaos, I remember suddenly feeling the ground beneath me fall away. My heart felt constantly broken, unstable, and frustrated. I sought out purpose in my successes, and with failure to meet mans expectation, developed an eating disorder and depression.
I grew distant from the family I once took so much comfort in. For me, darkness felt so familiar and comfortable, and there was no option to leave all that I ever knew. And so deeper and deeper, I tried to fit myself into a world, convinced that the problem was still fixable.
At the end of my junior year of highschool, in the spring of 2021 I remember suddenly reaching my limit. I was so frustrated that my every attempt to be perfect, simply was not working and actually worked against me. It slowly and finally, dawned on me that my life was marked with disappointment and great heartbreak, and I really truly could not fix it.
In the midst of questioning my reality and a swirl of painful thoughts, I had to lead worship for a friday service at my church. I had been leading worship for about 4 years then, but I never cared much for it. I looked out at the people before me, a sad room of maybe 8 kids standing awkwardly at 6 feet apart, masks on their faces, forced to be there. My co-leader began to sing the lyrics to a song and I still remember to this day, "why have you chosen me, out of millions your child to be? You know all the wrong that I have done. Oh, how could you pardon me, forgive my iniquities, to save me, give Jesus your Son"
"But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us." Romans 5:8
It was in that moment that suddenly the love of God poured out onto me, and I began to cry, a deep cry that brought me to my knees for an hour. All my insecurity, worries, hurt, failure, shortcomings, bitterness started to spill out, and the love of Jesus Christ covered all of it. For what reason, I simply could not comprehend. It was the first time I felt a touch of kindness, unconditional kindness and love.
I went through a long journey the rest of that year, trying to figure out now what life really meant. But I remember vividly December 23, 2021 the Lord asked me this question.
"Do you want to give me your life?"
For the past three days, I had been at a retreat witnessing the power of God through the gospel being preached to me, for what felt like the first time in my life. I gave back, a simple "yes, I do!" which I had no idea at the time how much, it would completely changed the course of my life forever.
The past two years of walking, running, sitting, crying, laughing, and more, with the Lord have been simply put, incredible. Though I could write ten pages more of all that God has done in my life during this time, I will testify to this: that God is real and a God of His Word. All that He says He is, is true! It is my great joy and honor to serve the Living God.
May the Lamb receive the reward of His suffering!
Madison Kim
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